haix

haish wad can i say.
ytd cry dunno 4 wad reason lor.
after it happened last yr. i at least cried for the next 3 days?
locked myself in the house n din go out?
wad a saddist.
den i started to clear up.
i told myself i wld never tear again over it.
but somehow.
so mani mixed feelings
so mani questions.doubts.
i realli duno how to face it.

ytd.i realli dunno wad happened.
after co camp i reached home.
feeling dat life totalli sucks.
well.it does.

2 D 1 N camp.
dat night me n yi jie sat in the concourse on the chairs.
we wr jus chatting.nth is particular.
i was so so tired. my ankle hurt. so did hers.
sigh
i dunno wad happened to myself.
i actualli felt lyk i cldn't take anything more.
so feel lyk breaking down.den i hoped to find sum help.comfort?
but nth.nth at all.fine ignore me.wadever.

u made me feel as tho.i deserved this.
i caused this to happen and ure not going to forgive me?
but i noe myself.
i did nth wrong. i did nth to hurt u.
it all started wif u. you you you.
i dunt need u to forgive me.
i dunt deserve this.
nor did i cause it.

ppl say. never regret on the things dat make u smile.
yea.but the things dat make u smile.
can make u cry too.
i do regret.i realli realli do.
if i knew.i wuld never ever ever ever go near u.
i wuld never hav allowed myself to let u make me smile.
then let u make me cry.
wad do u tink u r.
y izzit so impt to u.
loneliness is the worst thing in this world.
i know.i know it too well.
y izzit dat. it seemed dat. nth mattered to u at all?

actualli i felt vvvv happi after bathing ytd.
vented out all my frustrations.
cried.screamed in silence.
den i finished feeling damn happie.
vvv happie until 7.30?
okay okay.
i appeared offline. not illegal wad rite.
saw the sign in window pop up.saw e nick.
i realli dunno wad to tink le..
is it dat way?

sigh.tink no one realli understands a person.
no matter wat.dere will be sum things dat
we cannot tell.or cannot do to. another person.
i realli wan to blurt out every single thought in my mind.
every single thing dat happened.
every thing dat was said.
every thing dat hurt.
but.
to who?
best friends maybe?
i wan to.but how?
its realli lyk.
kai bu liao kou.

ytd. i already put my mind to it.
i decided to forget le. i actually forgot about it.
for less than 24hrs.
sounds little. but it was the longest time
i cld 4get about it since it happened.

until just now.

sighh.

i realli dunno wad to beliv anymore.

wad to do? wad to say?
i tried to face it normally.
but nth happened.
den i felt so depressed.
but later got ppl cheer me up n i felt much much better again.
but it onli lasted this long.

ok now. 7.55?
it changed already.
right now i feel lyk shit.
it seems as tho. everything cld hav been forgotten so easily.
as tho i never existed.lyk i've never made a difference.
is dere no explanation? no remedy for all dat happened?
u forgot. and i havent.
u realli noe how to make ppl pathetic.
first her.now me.
wad rubbish.i knew u wld b able to forget it easily.
i was already preparing myself for it.
but until now.i see it again but i still dun understand why.
u make it all so obvious u have forgotten everything.
nothing had happened.dun u tink ure so cruel.

i realli realli dunt noe y.im blogging so much about this.
vent my frustration?i dunt noe wad to do.
all i noe now is dat
i realli
realli
am veri veri
irritated.
life reali sucks.

i hate the way u cld pretend nth had happened.
i hate the way u cld laugh wif them in front of me.
and not feel guilty.
i hate the way u cld just groan for a while.
then go away.
i hate the way u wr never dere for me.
i hate the way u wld forget about the past.
i hate the way u never thought about
how to apply medicine on the wound.
i hate the way u cld jus leave.
i hate the way not care about anything at all.
i jus hate it
hate it
hate itttttttttt.


*sighh.

maybe ur heart never left her
maybe all those were just lies
maybe u were never dere
maybe every thing was just a big big mistake
maybe i never should hav believed.

at least.if i didnt.
i wunt be wad i am now
in this horrible state.


never mind


ive thot alort already.
made up my mind le.
its history.
fine wadever.
cos i knew it wld happen one day
i've got no choice anyway.
jus have to force myself to


forget




















forget








yea.

hopefully.

no hate

no like

no sadness

no happiness

no life

dunno wad to do le.

jus live on lidat ba. sigh.

人生就是为了找寻爱的过程，每个人的人生都要找到四个人。
第一个是自己,
第二个是你最爱的人，
第三个是最爱你的人，
第四个是共度一生的人.
首先会遇到你最爱的人，然後体会到爱的感觉；
因为了解被爱的感觉，所以才能发现最爱你的人；
当你经历过爱人与被爱，学会了爱，才会知道什么是你需要的，
也才会找到最适合你，能够相处一辈子的人。
但很悲哀的，在现实生活中，这三个人通常不是同一个人；
你最爱的，往往没有选择你；
最爱你的，往往不是你最爱的；
而最长久的，偏偏不是你最爱也不是最爱你的，
只是在最适合的时间出现的那个人。
你，会是别人生命中的第几个人呢？

真正爱一个人是无法说出原因的，
你只知道无论何时何地、心情好坏，你都希望这个人陪著你